.....

I went to work 4 hours early.. It wasn't too bad, I got a few extra much needed hours.

I filled out another application tonight, I am really hoping that I will get it. It will also be part time, but it will be an extra job and more time away from home... Which gives me less time to think.

I had a good day overall, but the evening sucked.. Then was good again.

I don't know what to do anymore Charlie and I an not sure how much more I can take. It seems like every time things start to look good in my life, they immediately fall further down than it originally was.

Sometimes it feels like no matter how hard I try, nothing is ever going to be good enough. It leaves me wondering, why I try at all.

If it were not for me taking care of your father, the best I can and like I promised to do.. I would not be here anymore, I have no reason to be.

I honestly feel like I do not have a purpose here in this life anymore. I just don't know how to lose this doubt of being.

Your Grandma Ava wrote me today. She said her neighbor gave her a plant for her garden, and she is going to plant it in your memory. That made my day.

I work a regular shift tomorrow, have court on wednesday and then work again... Such is life.

I should get some sleep. I love you baby and I miss you so very bad.

love always,
Mom